Me

Something has been bothering me for the last month or so. I have tried to kick it but it seems to be hanging on like a leech. Being naive isn't always a bad thing. I wish I was back in the day when I was naive about what it meant being a nurse walking into a room to take care of someone's family member. Since I started nursing, I just assumed that when I left my shift or parted ways with a patient and his/her family members that I was vanished from their memories. It has been in the last 4 months at work that I have truly come to realize that is far from the truth. I think I liked to believe that b/c it was easier for me. I've started to describe myself like a M&M. Hard shell on the outside but easily melts in the middle. I like to put on a hard front and seem like I'm tough, but have always struggled with wearing my heart on my sleeve and being very sentimental.

I know, where am I going with this. Well, the last 4 months of my job have been the hardest and made me realize what I want if I ever get terribly sick. I have stood by many families (more the last 4 months than I have in my whole 5 years of nursing) and held their hands, shared tears, laughs, stories, etc...while their family members are dying in the hospital. I have been their while many people take their breaths and depart this world. I am not a machine that can shut down and leave work at work. I think about people years later that I've taken care of: ones that have lived and ones that haven't.

I really have come to realize that people do remember their nurses that were in the room with either them or their family member. I have had a few patients that have done well that come back through the unit and give me a hug or say thanks for everything I did. I also have had family members return and tell us how much they appreciated our care and tell us how their family member is doing GREAT! I even recently had a family member return with a baby blanket for me b/c her mother was one of my last patients before I delivered and she didn't make it. She just wanted to tell me thank you for being their for her family and mother during that horrible time. Seriously?!?! You remember me from about 5 months ago??? Yes, I remembered the situation and could tell you details about it too. But, that's me, I remember things and people.

Being a nurse has made me look at life a totally different way than before. You appreciate family members more and realize that some day you will need their support. You appreciate every laugh (we have a lot on our unit b/c like everyone I work with says, "You need to laugh or you'll go nuts!" working on our unit). You appreciate the simple things in life and realize that the only thing that matters are the people, not things, in your life. You can NEVER say I love you too much.

So I am thankful for my beautiful family of four! I am grateful for my family and my Southern family I married into 4 years ago. I know I can depend on any of them for support. I am pretty easy to please, I take hugs whenever offered, laughing is one of my favorite past times, pictures mean the world to me b/c they can tell a story for years to come, and finally I LOVE being a nurse and caring for people. If I ever stop enjoying it, I need to retire. That's me.